5.0 Troubleshooting Sentences

Sentences all follow same pattern

Sentences sound boring out loud

• adverbial clauses: clause telling where, when, why, how; introduced by a word like before, after, until, although, because, while
• participial phrases: phrase using -ing (or -ed) form of the verb
• compound verbs: several verbs performed by a single subject in a sentence
• appositives: noun further describing another noun

Same subject recurs

Nancy worked for the state of Vermont.
She travelled all over Vermont.
She met many concerned citizens.
They began to trust her.
They told her a lot about each lake and about the local political scene.
She devised a program to monitor water quality.
She trained lay people to take samples.
She prepared a study.

Nancy worked for the state of Vermont, travelling all over the state and meeting many concerned citizens. Once they began to trust her, they told her a lot about each lake and about the local political scene. She devised a program to monitor water quality, trained lay people to take samples, and prepared a study.

Subject and Verb Don't Match

Vague and Abstract Verbs:
generic "catch-all" verbs (have, make do), and verbs of existence or mental action

Nancy is experienced. She studies lakes. She works for the state of Vermont.
The study was prepared by Nancy.
Nancy's study was interesting.

Nancy, an experienced limnologist, works for the state of Vermont.
Nancy prepared a study of Vermont's lakes.
Nancy's study seized the attention of the state government.

Also read what George Orwell had to say about word choice.

She gave $500,000 to the campaign committee.

Her $500,000 donation made the campaign manager's day.

Sentences sound choppy out loud

1. Identify the most important parts of each sentence;
2. Place those elements in a logical sequence and regroup them into sentences;
3. Express the precise relationship between the parts, and between sentences:

• cause/effect?
• for example?
• therefore?
• on the other hand?